I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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