Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
