i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize