Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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