I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
why is half of my head shaved?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
