On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
