I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
