I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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