I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
