What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
