you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
