My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize