The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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