I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish I only lived at night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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