I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
