We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
