sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
