you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize