I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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