is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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