HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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