I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
