she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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