The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
