In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
