It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
