u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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