I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
