is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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