I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
