I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize