If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
