i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
