he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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