is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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