Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She needs sedatives and a leash
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
