I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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