clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
