I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
two words...techno handjob
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize
