Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
