I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
