So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I deserve this hangover.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
