So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
