They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
