I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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