Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
