I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
