i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
