Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize