Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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