hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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