I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
