mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
