i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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