well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I love having hate sex.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
3 2 1 whiskey
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
