My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
