Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
