Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
