My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
