My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
