i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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