Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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