This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize