she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
