all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
