im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
