He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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