you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You made out with two different species that night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
