and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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