I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
