Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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