remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
