Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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