I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
