i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
