If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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