Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
