So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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