I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I want her autograph on my taint
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
