It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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