i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
