either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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