So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
